What if I told you that everything you believe about yourself, including your fears and your bad habits, is simply a story your mind has told you? And that you can rewrite that story today?
The first and most important step is to consciously change the words you use to describe yourself, your loved ones, work and your past. Can you increase, elevate and maximise the positive words and decrease, minimise and take the power out of the negative words?
For instance, rather than say “this is hard”, instead say “this is unfamiliar”, instead of saying “I am in pain,” say “I am in discomfort,” as you signal better coping skills to your brain when you use better words. Rather than complaining about having a terrible cold, tell yourself – and others – that you have a mild sniffle that will be gone in 24 hours. And rather than repeatedly talking about your workload or a sense of overwhelm, say, “I’ve got a lot on, but I can cope with it”.
Everything starts with words and our psychology talks to our biology every day.
Imagine you’re stuck in the queue at the supermarket and you say it’s driving you mad and you’re going to go crazy, what is your psychology telling you? It’s saying, “I’m stressed, I can’t cope, I’m going mad and this is making me crazy.”
In another example, notice how you phrase things, such as, “my husband is always late” or “my mum is always critical,” or “you never care about me”. Are those statements actually true? Clearly they’re not, so then ask yourself how you can change the way you phrase those concerns.
You could say, “my husband’s forgetful but he has other great qualities”; “I’m not where I want to be yet, so my mother’s concerns hit me harder than I’d like”; or “I’d like to feel more connected to you”
Powerful results occur when you speak from a place of emotional truth, not just letting fear, insecurity and sadness control your language. So, change that inner voice from negative to positive, from doubt to phenomenal self-belief and from inner critic to inner cheerleader.
Remember, our thoughts create our feelings, and our feelings create our behaviours and actions in either a vicious or virtuous circle.
For instance, you think that you’re not enough, so you feel inadequate, which means you avoid certain situations because you think you’re not enough, making you feel even more inadequate and frightened.
Try an exercise in which you flip this. Tell yourself, “I know I’m brave” as this will make you feel brave and you’ll take risks and act with confidence because you know that you are enough, giving you even more confidence as a result.
You can also start to instil self-belief and confidence by repeating positive, empowering statements about yourself first thing in the morning. If you don’t know what to say, ask yourself what you longed to hear from a parent or teacher when you were growing up?
This could be you telling yourself, “I’m proud of you”, “I love you just the way you are” or “you’re amazing”. Affirmations are a powerful way to replace thoughts at a deep subconscious level that don’t serve you with those that do – never forget how powerful your own language is to heal, build up and empower you. And as you already talk to yourself every single day you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by doing what you already do, but so much more productively.
Your Mind, Your Rules by Marisa Peer is published by FlightStory in partnership with Penguin, £20, is available now at marisapeer.com
